Hello~
This page is an update, that's been a long time in coming. I shared a story on the original "Mystickblue Home News" page, when I moved out for a short time from my usual life to go on a Spiritual journey, one where I needed to be alone, to have quiet time to hear my inner soul. I had much on my heart and I'd heard Spirits guidance telling me it was time. Although a part of me didn't want to hurt others and move from my comfort zone, there was a part of me that didn't feel comfortable any longer. I needed to do this and I felt it was time.
As I shared on my Mystickblue Home News page, I enjoyed my quiet time with two of my dogs, some of my birds and the resident horses at the house I chose to live in. It was out in the middle of nowhere in the country and it was also winter. I really liked getting up each morning and seeing the mountains and taking time to meditate and just slow life down and do what I wanted and be who I was. I had no one to answer to but myself and Spirit. Well, I did have to let the dogs out to do "their thing" but I really didn't mind that too much. I usually went outside with them and enjoyed talking to the horses, taking pictures and feeling the wonderful energy. They loved playing in the snow and it was so beautiful.
I did fine with my time alone, until about January, after the Holidays were over and money became tight. After all, I was still married and we had our home and expenses there too and my husband was always reminding me how expensive it was for us to "allow" me to live there and for us to keep up two households. He tried to be good and he was. He started coming over alot when our son moved back into our home. I began to feel I might as well go home to relieve the money issues and to put my family's minds at ease. They didn't understand what was happening to me and why I wanted to be away from them and my home. I tried to be happy about the decision, but there was a part of me that had really enjoyed being more independent and doing something I hadn't done before. I had never lived on my own, not alone at least. I had always had children and I hadn't lived alone for very long, ever. I liked the quiet, having time to meditate and persuing what I had moved there for. I even felt a bit sad about leaving.
I had to put alot of my stuff in storage and life definately was different for me. My husband was very happy I was coming home, but I sometimes wondered if it was the money or me? Horrible isn't it? I know he loves me, but I know how people think when people change and begin to make decisions and do things they haven't done before. They want to protect their feelings and their hearts from being hurt so sometimes they shield and are cautious. I was happy to be home too in many ways. I admit there had been times I had been lonely and got tired of cooking for one and having to do everything for myself. After twenty one years of marriage, one doesn't just get used to living alone over night, but it was interesting for sure.
I was home a couple of months when I began to feel tired and gain weight. I started having problems sleeping. I wasn't sure what was going on so I made a doctors appointment. My doctor said she was concerned about my blood pressure, my cholesterol, thyroid and that I may be pre-diabetic. She wanted me to begin taking a bunch of medications, but I wasn't very happy about that. I told her because I felt so awful, I would indulge her. She said the pre-diabetes medicine would help me lose some weight, but I wouldn't take it. I wanted to try on my own and take natural herbs and try things my own way first. By my next appointment I had lost weight, but I still didn't feel well. I told her I was in pain, I hurt all over it seemed but especially my left arm. She told me it was probably just my Arthritis or Fibromyalgia just bothering me and wanted to give me more pills. I told her no and she kept talking about other things.
After several more visits, she had blood tests done and other things, I still told her my arm was hurting. She said she would have an x-ray done and she found nothing. Finally I made an appointment in between my appointments and went in and told her, in tears, my arm was hurting so badly I couldn't sleep, move or stand the pain anymore. She knew I was afraid to have an MRI, so she gave me a shot and injected some cortisone and did some other things and sent me to a Physical Therapist. The Physical Therapist found that I had something called "Adhesive Capsulitis" or "Frozen Shoulder." She said she could help me, but it could take up to a year or so. They sent me to a "Bone and Joint" specialist and they also gave me pain pills to help so I could at least rest and handle the pain. At this time I was on almost eight different medications and in extreme pain, not sleeping and crying alot. I would wake up in the night crying because I couldn't lay on my left side or move my arm above my head, or move it much at all. Taking a shower was horrible, I had to even ask my husband to help me and to help me get dressed. They finally did an MRI and also found I had Bursitis and Tendonitis in my arm and throughout my body too. Not fun!
I began asking Spirit for answers and searching my soul. I asked "is this happening because of something I did or to teach me something?" I began receiving and learning the answers each day. I began to see how important the people around me really are, but also how important I am too. I had always known that "me" time was important, but now... taking time to just sit and take things in and see things around me and pay attention even more, was so important. Some of the things I had taken for granted before, the little things, now were bigger things and I had always been the type of person that found Miracles in the little things, but now I was finding joy in each moment that I didn't have pain or when I could do something easier than the day before. I had been taken to a place where I had no choice but to finally ask for help. What a humbling and wonderful experience. I listened to the Doctors, but I always take what they say and weigh it carefully because they don't know me that well and they certainly don't take the time to get to know me as a person. They generally treat patients as if they all need the same thing. I am not one of those patients. I am not like anyone else and I do not respond to the same treatments or medications. It's been proven many times, but for years I've had doctors coming and going so much they never have the chance to really know my case. I have a sensitive body and some of this may have begun at birth, but some had begun with my thyroid and adrenal glands. I respond better to holistic meds and natural meds, but they take longer but doctors don't normally want to talk to you about those kinds of treatments and to date where I live, I haven't found a doctor that accepts insurance that can help me with my physical issues. I have learned from this experience how our minds, bodies and souls are very interconnected and how balance is very important.
In all of these things... moving out, moving back, missing people, being aggravated, learning to be on my own, learning to ask for help, living with pain, working through pain, learning from pain, learning to take each moment at a time... have all made me a different and changed person.
One day, I was getting ready to get into the shower. I was standing in the bathroom, in pain, as I was struggling just to move my body and to do some of the smaller things, I felt something come over me. I felt that there was an angelic presence and energy all around me, but not even just that, but that Spirit/God was all around me too and my own energy began to rise. I felt this so strongly. I turned on the water, stepped into the warm stream of water and immediately felt the energy grow even stronger. I began to cry, which will often happen when I feel a very strong Light presence around me and I receive confirmation about something very important. I did more than just cry, I literally broke down. It was like I felt a huge moving within my soul, like all the answers came flooding to me. I felt them and knew them all at once. I felt my knees go weak, my head and heart and all my chakras opened up for all this wonderful information to come in. Right then I realized, that the left side of the body is considered the "female" side and the right is the male, and for some reason I had been trying to "cut off "or "close off" some things in my life and these "things" were manifesting in the physical through my "left arm!" I was getting this information, but at the same time thinking "How could I have done this? How could I have been so stupid?" "I know better than to do this and cause myself such unbalance!" In so many words, more or less. I know I am connected to so many things and because when I moved out, things had not happened as fast as I thought they might, or that I ended up moving back home when I did for different reasons, perhaps I felt I had not accomplished anything or had not done what I had intended to do or had not learned what Spirit had wanted me to learn. Was I punishing myself because I felt disappointed in myself? Was I manifesting this pain in my arm and body because I had not learned the lesson yet? I had tried to "cut off or cut out" something in my life that wasn't meant to be cut out and my body and soul was trying to tell me in the only way it knew how. It was screaming out for my attention!! When I didn't pay attention to the subtle, quieter signs or messages, my soul had to find another way... and it did, believe me. I paid attention to this pain. It literally took control. I had to pay attention. When I got in that shower and the healing warm water touched my skin and I felt the energy rise and I opened up to the answers, which I had been asking for, it all became so clear, so simple, so right... that everything will always balance itself if we just let it! I made a choice that day, that moment, to let it happen. To allow my soul to take control of my life and to balance itself. There are times and days when my mind tries to take over, but I just do whatever I have to do to get away from noise and the hustle and craziness of the world and sit a while and quiet my mind and go within and talk to my soul. That's where I find my balance once more and then I feel better.
Since that day, my healing process has flowed much easier. I have continued to go to my Physical Therapist and I even finished my own Relaxation Therapist Course I had been taking. I began to work on my boundaries again and learning to love myself even more. I give myself more time and do the things I love. That's so important. If something or someone doesn't make you feel good, then stop, look at the situation and then change it. We have the power within us to change things, even when we may think we don't. Even when things may look or seem over whelming, we can step back and figure things out, with thought, prayer, meditation, self talk and talking to our soul. I love going for a walk out in the woods or sitting out on the porch and listening to the birds and the wind. Reading a book and just taking time to stop and let it sink in and hear my soul agreeing with the words and the feelings I have. I know when something is right and when something is wrong. I have a knowing within me now about my life. I know who I am and what I am here to do and I do my best to be in the moment as much as I can. Yes, yes, make plans for our futures by acting today, but it does no good to worry and waste time when we can go within and find our answers and ask for confirmation if we really want to and receive it. Ask Spirit to guide you to your confirmation and then pay attention. You may be surprised what it is and where you find it.
Yes, I am a being, like many of you. I do suffer, hurt, wonder, have issues I have to deal with, I do have aches and pains and financial concerns and all other sorts of things that go on in my life, but I also have made a choice not to let all those things take over and control me. I have faith that even when I have the tough times, that everything will be all right. The tough times are to help me learn and teach me and I am grateful for all things. I have dreams and desires too. I have fears and "stuff" I'm working on. I've learned some valuable lessons and I'm passing them onto others. If I'm livin, I'm learnin!
I learned something not that long ago about "being still" and it filled my soul with joy. To sit and do nothing is not doing nothing at all. It's allowing our souls to grow up and to be who they really are. It's not necessary to be doing something every minute... <deeeeeep breeeath> not in the sense of thinking or moving physically etc., because our souls are doing something regardless... they're growing.
To you all, who have found your way here, at this moment to this page, and have read this, I send you so much love, light, peace and joy to your soul and pray that during this time you spent here, your soul grew and grew and grew!! Just like the Grinch's heart in his story "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." <big smile> I love the Grinch, so I had to share that, because its a great analogy!! Have a wonderful "moment in time," as I pray you feel good as you leave here after sharing my space with me for a bit.
Love, peace and hugs,
Mystiblu ~
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